long time since i last blogged. many things have happened. firstly, i was made the p of bite club. seriously, i think it's a mistake to choose me. i really don't know to be happy or sad. more of sad i think. it's not like having that position very fun lydat.it's not fun at all. i guess i am the kind of person who doesn't like to be restricted or tied down by responsibilities. I don't like to be like "enclosed in a cage". i want to be able to do what i want, what i like. but many times, we are unable to do things as we wish. it's just the beginning but this responsibility has become a burden to me. it's as if i am living in fear after that incident. bad experience i should say. i guess i will never dare to look into her eyes again. never. not long after i have been made the p, this incident happened. don't you think it's a joke being played on me? what's in my brain now is just cca. i think i dread it a lot. perhaps i shouldn't have come to this cca in the first place. in pri sch, i have already told myself that i don't want to be join any cca that is related to computers. i was very glad that i got into throws. but very soon, i was back to square one. hah. operating computers has never been my forte. there are really much much more people who are more talented in this area than me. though it has been one week since that incident, but it lingers in my memories. i tried to shake it off but it remained. i guess i am just not talented in any areas; be it studies or whatever. what others say about everyone have talents, is it just rubbish? why is it that i see that my future is bleak? anyway, now i have no courage to face her anymore. qiaowei is far far better than me. organised, motivated, ready to take up responsibilities. i have been thinking for very long. one more year+ to go. i just have to tolerate. i like to do things voluntarily or when i have free time. i hate people to tell me what to do or force me. sorry if i cannot perform up to your expectations. sorry, i am incapable.i am not as perfect as you think.i know you hate me too, don't you? i bet you do.since that moment, you made me feel as if i am a loser, i am the most incapable, disgusting person on earth. i thought i could handle it, but day by day my confidence disappears. now i really feel like a nothing. i am a nothing in your eyes. i am just a empty shell. am i not? i am still tolerating, so don't force me anymore, or one day i will just erupt.if only _here,then i will have more strength to carry on.

I AM INCAPABLE.I AM DISGUSTING.I HATE MYSELF.I HATE YOU.
onestepcloserscribbled@8:44 AM