i don't know how to explain my mood now.
mixed feelings,perhaps.
i will miss you truckloads definitely(:

4 yrs already,and it has always been like that. that way. it hasn't changed a single bit at all. i haven't been doing anything productive, haven't been doing any meaningful stuff. i am just wasting every minute, every second of my life away. haven't i always wanted to excel as much as others would want to. i don't want to be looked down by others. all these thoughts,but.there is always lacking something. some form of motivation, some form of energy to propel myself forward, to excel, achieve more.

that blog didn't make me feel sad or angry. it set me thinking, thinking about the things i have been doing for the past 5 months. it made me reflect on whether i have really given my best in the things i have been doing so far. it made me feel rather inferior at the same time.frankly speaking, it made me feel like a loser.i don't know how to explain either. a lot of times, when i am studying , i always have this mentality- since we are all going to die someday, why bother? i know its wrong to think that way but that thought always surfaces each time i study.

i vaguely know what are the things that interest me, and i am sure they are not what i am studying now.i hate it that i keep thinking so negatively. i hate it that i am like that. i hate it.i feel inferior.sigh.


when you're close to tears remember,
someday it'll all be over.

<3
onestepcloserscribbled@2:20 AM